Friends, Partners or Family of Adults with ADD
So, for the past few years, I've lived with my ADD boyfriend. I love him dearly, but his inability to save any money and contribute substantially to our finances drives me crazy. I was under the impression that I make a lot more than him because he always seems to be out of money. Although he is very generous with gifts and meals, he never pays his half of rent and he sometimes needs to be "bailed out" of paying his half of utilities because they are about to be shut off. Well, yesterday he left his W2 out and I saw he makes only a hundred or so less than I do. In other words, I am paying 2/3 more than him every month on our apartment, food, and utilities and I am only making about 1/8 more than him.
I am rather frustrated by this, but I don't think he means to blow his money this way. His father - who is also ADD - apparently could never save or make his rent unassisted until his new wife took over his finances and allotted his spending money. I think this is a little heavy handed, but on the other hand I feel rather used. Can anyone relate to this and offer some suggestions for money management, saving, curtailing impulsive spending, etc? I don't want to just blow up over this.
This is my cry for help. Our son's school is broken and we can't fix it. If you know of a school that could help, please tell me the name and city. We'll move there and enroll him and find jobs. There’s lots more about him in my userinfo. Post a comment in my journal, or reply to this entry, or email me email@example.com . Please point anyone who might be able to help to my journal or email.
He just turned nine years old. He has violent rages at school (but not at home.) He is very easy to set off, and very difficult to calm. School staff restrains him (holds him down on the floor with their hands) three to five days per week. This has been going on for nearly two years. Educational progress is nil. He is capable of learning but they are not capable of teaching him.
He is at our educational district’s alternative school for children with behavior problems and emotional problems. Their methods of rewards for good behavior and consequences for bad behavior just don't work for our son. Our son is what Dr. Ross Greene calls inflexible/explosive child. Dr. Greene's book The Explosive Child
is here: http://www.ccps.info/books/books.htmlThe CPS [Collaborative Problem Solving] model -- which was first articulated in the book, The Explosive Child -- proposes that challenging behavior should be understood and handled in the same manner as other recognized learning disabilities. In other words, difficult children and adolescents lack important cognitive skills essential to handling frustration and mastering situations requiring flexibility and adaptability. The CPS model helps adults teach these skills and teaches caregivers and children to work toward mutually satisfactory solutions to the problems causing conflict. RESEARCH has shown that CPS is a highly effective model of outpatient care and can be an effective means of reducing restraint and locked-door seclusion and reducing staff and patient injuries in restrictive/therapeutic settings
. Source: http://www.ccps.info/
Most recent IEP: we had experienced advocate in our corner. He is also a hearing officer. The school stalled at every stage. Our advocate now recommends we hire a lawyer and file for due process. The school was out of compliance on many issues and completely resistant to change. In our advocate's opinion the school is not providing an appropriate education. In my opinion the school has failed my son for nearly two years, they are incapable of helping him or teaching him, and I will not hand him over to them to try again. They have stalled, they have refused to engage in reasonable discussion about his needs, and they have lied to me.
And I am damn tired of him being restrained an average of (according to the school principal) 3-5 days per week.
There is no private school in commuting distance of our home that can help him. He is okay at home (far from perfect, but we can deal) so he does not need a boarding school or residential facility. He needs a competent day school, and we'll have to move wherever we find one, and we need help finding onePlease tell us the names/locations of any schools that you would recommend.
We will go where the school is. There is no reason to stay where we are now, and every reason to move. It would be irresponsible to let our son re-enter his current school
in the fall, so we want to move in time to start him at a new school.
That's the important part. We need to find a school and we need it soon. Feel free to pass this question on to anyone who might have useful knowledge. I set up an email address just for responses. Feel free to pass it on: firstname.lastname@example.org . (My real name is something else.)
We're moving to a better school. Where is it?
My friend Alice and I would like to thank all of you guys who posted with your suggestions for her! She said they are all going to be super useful when she starts planning her course in the fall :D
Woo hoo :D You guys rock!
So.... the love of my life is a brilliant, sweet, artzy guy of 25. While it's no problem for me relationally, it's hard to deal with his ADD as housemates. Every couple of months he'll leave the tap running full blast and/or the oven on all day and not notice. He also has a head-nodding sort of tic every couple of days; he's v. disorganized; and he sometimes cannot stop talking. We are quite happy together, but because I myself am a doctoral student in dissertation mode the forgetfulness causes me a lot of stress. I've read that humor and reminders help, which I do.... But I think treatment would help more, maybe(?) I know that my boyfriend is a very therapist and medication-shy, and he is uninsured, but I was wondering if you folks have any resources or advice for this sort of scenario.
Tue, Mar. 21st, 2006, 11:01 am
I am still trying to figure out where my ADHD/LDs end and I begin, and how to distinguish between my ADHD, dyslexia and dyscalculia etc...
Anyway, I don't know if any of you do this as well or not, but I obsessively listen to music. Once I find an artist or a song I like (or sometimes I do it with music I *don't* like!) I will listen to it obsessively, and when I can't listen to it, I sing it, when I can't sing it it circles in my head over and over again. I drive my fiance nuts with it all of the time. He is always asking me "Aren't you sick of that yet? All you do 24/7 is listen to the same artist/song!"
I am just wondering if this is an ADHD thing or a dyslexia/dyscalculia thing or if it is just who I am. I have always been this way! The first artist I can clearly remember doing this with was Cindy Lauper in the 80s! Ha ha!
This was passed on to me by the secretary at LDAV (Learning Disabilities Association of Vancouver). I thought I would share :)( Read more...Collapse )
So, in typical ADHD/me style, I went to kreggerling
's place last night for pre-drinkies before Blender, had one glass of wine, went to the bar and had another (early on), then stopped drinking because I left my car at kreggerling
's place and needed to drive home at 1:30 am, then I take a cab all the way home from the bar leaving my car at kreggerling
's place AFTER I had spent the whole night not drinking so I could drive home! So, now I have to take another cab this morning to go pick up my freaking car :P LOL!
No wait, this gets better! We dropped contrasoma
and Maddie off right around the corner from kreggerling
's place, and I STILL didn't remember that my car was there waiting for me! LOL! All I can do is laugh ;)
One thing you can say about ADHD is at least life is never boring! LOL!
So, last night I had a good talk with a friend of mine who has done a lot of reading into the whole ADHD thing. We were talking about how ADHD is more socially acceptable in boys then it is in girls. In some ways girls have a lot more to contend with socially because other girls/women are a lot more subtle and can sometimes be quite mean when socializing with each other. Boys/men on the other hand, tend to be much more up front with their socializing. Maybe this is why I have always tended to have better friendships with men?
One thing that we talked about was how girls/women with ADHD are sometimes viewed by their peers as as either the ditsy/airhead Dharma and Gregg type girl, or they are viewed as the evil, manipulative, social mastermind like Lady MacBeth.
I am just curious, have any of you girls out there had this experience?
Personally, I can understand the ditsy/airhead thing! LOL! But my friend said that he thinks that some people might think I am this social mastermind chick who is really manipulative. To tell you the truth, this makes me laugh! That is SO not who I am at all, and I hope I don't come off that way!
is there a livejournal community specifically for partners of people with ADD/ADHD? while this looks like a wonderful community, i feel like there are things unique to being partnered with someone rather than just being friends or family and i was wondering if there is a specific place i can go to discuss that.
if there's not, then i just might start one...would anyone join?